Nov 20

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From the Wheel of Kamma to the Wheel of Dhamma – Bhikkhu K. Ñāṇananda

captureVenerable Sir, an important problem that I have. Though my mind is generally calm, composed and luminous, I lose my temper in ordinary day to day problems and find it difficult to control myself. Then I go on ranting and raving like an uneducated crazy woman. Because of this trait I irritate my family members, my friends and my neighbours. I get fed up with myself. But very soon my mind gets free from this mad fit of rage. It again becomes luminous. I forget even the incident. It is like a breeze that blows over a tank of calm water. The water that gets ruffled by the breeze again becomes calm after the breeze is gone. The ruffling is not deep.

Though this does not affect me, those around me are adversely affected by it to a great extent. They are not prepared to forget it easily as I do. Thereby in everyday life I keep on making enemies. I become a subject of displeasure for them. I want to be free from this unpleasant trait.

 Venerable Sir, I am seeking your advice for that purpose. After such an incident I can make a precise assessment of the whole incident. I can clearly see my weakness. I can see how it came up. I can also see the weaknesses of those who got involved. I tell myself I should have restrained myself. Yet, I keep on repeating the same mistake. Now it has almost become a habit. Sometimes I wonder whether there is any extraneous compelling force behind it. Even if there is, it is my weakness to get caught up in it……..


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